Now Scream This: The Best Spring Break Horror Movies Streaming Right Now

Now Scream This: The Best Spring Break Horror Movies Streaming Right Now

(Welcome toNow Scream This, a column where horror experts Chris Evangelista and Matt Donato tell you what scary, spooky, and spine-tingling movies are streaming and where you may watch them.)Matt:In striving to become more theme-driven with our bimonthly streaming choices, Chris and I landed on a “Spring Break” concept for this first offering of May. Sorority girls in bikinis, slashers with a thirst for vacation-crashing, outdoor carnage – Horror 101 type stuff. You’d be correct to assume VOD platforms showcase no shortage of such horrors, and once again, my genre preferences provide a perfect complement/clash with Chris' reality escapes…with no escape. Start pouring the tequila and slathering on the suntan lotion. Let’s gets sloppy.Chris:SPRING BREAK!! Let’s all party at the beach! And by “party at the beach”, I mean, stay indoors and watch horror movies, just as god intended. There’s a slight irony to this theme, since “spring” as a season doesn’t really exist anymore – thanks, climate change! Still, the concept of Spring Break offers up the perfect opportunity for characters in films to attempt to get away from it all, only to die horrible deaths. So break out your mirrored sunglasses, pop open a cold one, and enjoy all the untimely death mentioned below.

Now Streaming on HBOGo

Matt:Comin' out swinging, this week! First with aBroken Lizardslasher parody that I, myself, enjoy for all of its obvious stupidity and sex-crazed paradiso slaughtering. It’s not exactly a five-star assessment of mythical genre rules – phones don’t work, groups split up, trust corrodes – but Machete Phil’s quest for bloodshed is on-the-nose satire in small doses (albeit desperately juvenile). AppreciateBill Paxtonfor the Jimmy Buffett ripoff he plays (Coconut Pete) and the immature shenanigans Broken Lizard engages in (this is a horror comedy 100% built on sexual innuendos and nudity), but credit a third-act twist that goes incredibly Jack Torrance/Norman Bates/any other psychotic snap. When [redacted] springs upwards, turns mechanically towards frame and glares that devious madman smile… A perfect moment in an admittedly imperfect film, but that’s what streaming is for.Chris:Time for a controversial opinion: I actually preferClub Dreadto Broken Lizard’s more well-renowned filmSuper Troopers. Perhaps it’s the horror theme, or perhaps it’s the late, great Bill Paxton stealing the show. But if I had to choose one Broken Lizard film to watch again and again, it would beClub Dread.

Now Streaming on Shudder

Matt:Bait 3Dis the greatest “trapped in a flooded supermarket with a 12-foot Great White shark right after a tsunami hits” disaster flick you’re able to ask for. Coming from the genre-savvy shores of Australia, thisXavier Samuel/Sharni Vinsonaquatic thriller wastes no time chomping into a meaty escape-or-be-killed adventure that’s delightfully moreDeep Blue SeathanJaws. It’s moreDeep Blue SeathenDeep Blue Sea 2, in fact. Save the poorly constructed and completely underdeveloped romantics for the nextGerard ButlerGeostormdud and give me giant animatronic sharks eating people, right?Kimble Rendallis of the same mindset. There are shopping cart dive suits, shotguns, dismembered human chew toys –Bait 3Dis an absolute blast with a brutal but entertaining bite.Pretty much any shark movie can pass as Spring Break material. Stop thinking so singularly.Chris:I haven’t seen this, but I just read the official synopsis – “A freak tsunami traps a group of people in a submerged grocery store. As they try to escape, they are hunted by white sharks that are hungry for meat” – and that, plus Matt’s write-up, has ensured I’ll be watchingBait 3Dimmediately. I just hope there’s a scene where someone turns to the camera and says, “To these sharks, we’rebait.” And then someone else leans in and whispers, “3D.”

Matt:WhileNicolas Cage’s “NOT THE BEES!” dialogue has become a thing of legend in Neil LaBute’s 2006 remake,Robin Hardy’s originalThe Wicker Manis quintessential springtime horror.Christopher Leeis the most deliciously demented Lord Summerisle, his remote isle a fantasy land of pagan rituals that dismay Sergeant Howie (Edward Woodward). Ever-so subtle sacrificial undertones bubble under quaint village interactions and lusty communal practices. Celtic imagery,phallicMay Day celebrations, and massive effigial prisons seem so unthreatening at first as the habits of locals usher in hive-mind innocence – but that’s the film’s greatest trick. Accepting you with open arms, only to blossom nefarious motives under assuming rays of sunshine. Far more emphatically fucked than you’re able to realize in time.Chris:I’m furious Matt didn’t pick the Nicolas Cage version. That said, the originalWicker Manis pretty good too, I guess. In all seriousness,The Wicker Manis loaded with atmosphere, so much so that it feels less like a movie and more like a documentary. Like we’ve somehow stepped into a real event, and like the main character, we can’t get out.Harry Waxman’s sun-dappled cinematography proves that you don’t need darkness and shadows to craft a scary horror movie. Sometimes, the scariest events can happen in broad daylight.

Now Streaming on Netflix

Matt:No, I don’t love every finned movie with 3D slapped on the end – it just so happens that two of my favorite underwater predator movies fit the bill.Bait 3Dis but a starter course before the succulent feast that isAlexandre Aja’sPiranha 3D. Every Spring Break box is checked. Alcohol-soaked lake swimmers in constant peril, hordes of snappy piranhas hungry for flesh,Eli Rothgetting his head crushed as a aggro douche – whatdoesn’tthis movie have.Jerry O’Connellas a sleazeballGirls Gone Wildmogul who dies an absurdly vicious death? Check.Ving Rhamesshredding piranhas with a boat propeller as a last line of shallows defence? Check.Elisabeth Shuestrappin' her big-girl pants on and saving the day withAdam Scott’s help? Check and mate. This remake knows what it is and never cheats audiences. Gore, guts and plenty of fish food for the picking.Chris:Piranha 3Dopens withRichard Dreyfuss, dressed as his character fromJaws, being devoured by angry piranhas. When asked why he would take such a part, Dreyfuss responded: “money.” You have to respect that. And you have to respect a killer fish movie that makes Adam Scott the leading man. Also, there’s a scene where the piranhas eat Jerry O’Connell’s penis. Viva la cinema!

Matt:Continuing a very obvious narrative throughout most of this week’s selections,Zombeaversis yet another lakeside poke at fun-in-the-sun gone horribly wrong – this time with goddamn zombie beavers. “But Matt, that sounds absolutely ridiculous.” Of course it is!John MayerandBill Burraccidently dump chemical waste in a body of water where beavers reside, thus giving the animals an infectious bite that can turnanythinginto a beaver. Soak that in. No spoilers, but trust that directorJordan Rubinpays off that notion and billions more. We’re talkin' practical transformations into hybrid zombie creatures, horny teens stuck defending their cabin from buck-toothed invaders, a zany sense of humor that never lets the party die (heh) –Zombeaversis a rare horror film that delivers exactly what’s promised by titled obscurity. LikeWolfCoporBed Of The Deaddoes.Chris:Some days, you need to watch finely crafted, impeccable works of art. Other days, you need to watch movies calledZombeavers. ‘Nuff said.

Chris:There’s not a lot of beauty in horror, which is understandable. The genre tends to lend itself to the hideous and the ugly. Which makesJustin Benson and Aaron Moorhead’sSpringall the more remarkable. WithSpring, Benson and Moorhead have crafted horror’s answer to Richard Linklater’sBefore Trilogy– an achingly lovely romance that just happens to involve Lovecraftian tentacle monsters. After some trouble back home, AmericanLou Taylor Puccipacks his bags and heads to beautiful, scenic Italy (Benson and Moorhead employ a lot of drone cinematography to capture somegod damn gorgeouscoastlines). There, Pucci falls head over heels for college studentNadia Hilker, who is beautiful yet hiding a deep, dark secret. The will they/won’t between Pucci and Hilker is at the heart ofSpring, but don’t assume this is some sappy romance. Every now and then, some poor chump will find himself turned into a meal. But oh, what poetry exists inSpring. There’s a raw, aching, hard-to-pin down pulse that throbs through this film – it hypnotizes you; lures you in; awakens some sort of longing deep in your heart.Springis proof that there’s romance to be found in horror – you just have to know where to look.Matt:Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead are two of indie film’s brightest, most creative minds when it comes to inquisitive genre content.ResolutionandThe Endlessallow for cult-centric ruminations on life itself, butSpringis – and will forever be – their masterpiece. A perfect movie in every sense. I’ll let the above say it all.

Chris:Hey, you ever hear of this movie,Evil Dead? Supposed to be pretty good! Okay, look, I feel a bit basic recommendingSam Raimi’sThe Evil Dead. But I’m going to do it anyway, and you’re going to read it, because that’s how this column works. Here’s the thing: when most people think of theEvil Deadfranchise, they think of it as being rather comical, loaded with cheesy humor and corny jokes. This is primarily due toEvil Dead 2andArmy of Darkness(and the Starz seriesAsh vs. Evil Dead), which found Raimi and company embracing theThree Stoogesnature of the material. But the originalEvil Deadisn’t trying to be funny. Instead, the first film plays everything straight, and attempts to craft a nerve-jangling, genuinely scary horror film. You know the drill:Bruce Campbell, his mighty chin, and several other poorly-dressed people go up to a secluded cabin for Spring Break. While there, they unleash demonic forces hell-bent on ruining their good time. Lots and lots of fake blood and guts follow. The end result is a low-budget miracle – the definitive example of doing so much with so little. Other people may prefer the more over-the-topEvil Dead 2andArmy of Darkness. But the original, far-more-seriousEvil Deadwill always be my personal favorite.Matt:I’m anEvil Dead IIguy through and through (shocker, right), but will stan for Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell’s original. The DIY value and low-budget sharpness is off-the-charts proficient, good enough to allow forEvil Dead IIand Ash Williams’ unchallenged legacy. Respect the chin and honor thy creators.

Chris:I’m not using hyperbole when I sayTourist Trapis one of theweirdesthorror movies I’ve ever seen. On the surface, the film has a pretty standard horror set-up: a bunch of young people get stranded in the middle of nowhere, and proceed to get real dead real fast. ButTourist Trapuses that familiar horror trope to stage something so fucking whacked-out that watching it feels like tripping on cough syrup. The story begins on a sunny day, when a group of youths find a secluded watering hole and decide to take a dip. Unfortunately, the body of water is on the property of Mr. Slausen (played to perfection by cowboy character actorChuck Connors). Slausenseemskind of friendly, even though he points a shotgun at the youngsters at first. But it turns out the old man runs some weird-ass tourist trap (hey, that’s the title!) full of creepy mannequins that may or may not be alive. Oh, and his possibly insane twin brother is lurking somewhere as well. By the timeTourist Trapends, you’ll be left wondering, “What the hell did I just watch?” And I mean that in the best possible way.Matt:Upon further investigation, every part of my soul aches for not having seen this movie yet. Looks like aTourist Trapwatch is in my immediate future.

Now Streaming on Starz

Chris:TheJaume Collet-Serrastan has logged on. I used a Collet-Serra movie in the lastNow Scream This, so please excuse me while I use yet another in this edition. Collet-Serra’sThe Shallowsisn’t as much of a straight horror film asOrphan, but it has enough terror to be appropriate for this column. Ever since Steven Spielberg made everyone afraid to take a dip in the ocean withJaws, sharksploitation films have become a big industry. There’s even one coming out this year – the Jason Statham vs. Giant Shark flickTheMeg.The Shallowsis more stripped-down than most shark movies, though. The action is contained to one specific area, and aside from three no-name side characters, there aren’t many deaths. Instead,The Shallowsis all aboutBlake Livelytrying to survive one long day and night while trapped on a rock just off the shore of a secret beach. In the film, Lively is a med student taking a break from college (aspringbreak, perhaps? If not, let’s just pretend). She takes her surfboard and seeks out a beach her recently deceased mother once visited. After catching some killer waves, Lively gets trapped on some rocks as a very angry great white shark keeps circling, ready to turn her into lunch. The only company Lively’s character has is a very photogenic seagull named Steven Seagull (played by arealseagull actor named Sully, by the way). Collet-Serra loads this simple premise with enough style, thrills and gorgeous scenic cinematography to makeThe Shallowsone of the most enjoyable, entertaining killer shark films in recent memory. It’s noJaws, but hey, what is?Matt:Every so often, I’m forced to churn a review out within hours to meet embargo, not fully digesting the cinematic product thus consumed. In the case ofThe Shallows, I wish my 3.5/5 star review could be bumped to a straight 4-star achievement. Jaume Collet-Serra’s ability to go single-setting and deliver astrikingCGI shark is next-level seamless, while Blake Lively’s performance is nothing short of the spectacular situational adaptation her talents have proven thus far in her career. This is bottled beachgoer fear – unfiltered and raw like Michelin-grade sushi.

Now Streaming on MaxGO

Chris:Ever since Tobe Hooper made inbred redneck murderers famous withThe Texas Chainsaw Massacre, horror movies have been trying to recapture some of that grimy magic. No one has come close. But 2003’sWrong Turnis a surprisingly effective early 2000s horror flick that strands some very attractive people on a holiday road trip somewhere in West Virginia and pits them against some truly hideous looking hillbillies. I don’t know if you remember the early 2000s, folks, but it was a bit of a dire time for horror movies. The self-referential streak launched byScreamhad yet to die out, and the horror movie landscape was littered with either in-joke-laden crap or dull, lifeless remakes. In the midst of all that wasRob Schmidt’s surprisingly nastyWrong Turn, filled with grisly kills and a genuine unpleasantness that most studio horror movies were afraid to attempt Is it a smart movie? No. Is it particularly original? Absolutely not. Is it effective? Yes, it is.Matt:I might preferJoe Lynch’sWrong Turn 2: Dead End, but Chris' assessment above is largely correct. As a slasher fan, there’s a lot of enjoy about grimy backwoods hooligans who like munching on victims like Eliza Dushku, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Jeremy Sisto and many other hardbody genre sacrifices. If I had a dollar for every Jeremy Sisto death in a horror movie…